Conversation at Starbucks this morning...

[mapsedge]

Lady behind the counter. Good morning.

Me. smiling Good morning!

LBTC. What can I get started for you?

Me. reaching for my wallet I'd like a grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low™, cappuchino.

(For the uninitiated, that's barista-speak, and comes in the order it's written on the cup: size, variation, sweetener, drink.)

LBTC. Wow, you've got it down.

Me. Yeah.

LBTC. So that's a grandé, wet, one Splenda™ ---

Me. smile instantly vaporized No, not Splenda. Sweet & Low. There's a difference.

(For the record, Sweet & Low is a more efficient sweetener than Splenda, which has the same sweetening power of table sugar.)

LBTC. Oh, right, right. grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low, cappuchino.

Me. Right.

LBTC. And what name on the cup?

Me. "Bill."

LBTC. writing "Mister Bill."

Me. actively frowning now NO. Not Mister Bill. Just "Bill."

LBTC. Oh, right. You remember "Saturday Night L---?"

Me. Yes, I remember. Just "Bill."

Strangely, we go through this every goddamn time. With a name like "William Morris", and being forty years old, I've heard every variation there is. EVERY one. "William Morris Agency", "Oh, I just love your tapestries", "Oh, like the tobacco company", "Mr. Bill"...ad nauseum.

A word of advice to all you folks out there. Any human being with a recognizable name past the age of, say, twelve, has heard every clever variation. After age thirty or so, it's not cute or entertaining anymore: it's old, and makes us want to strangle you.

Comments

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Serves you right for going to Starbucks.

- Jeho

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

OH! You WOUND me, sir. No sympathy for an old friend? Besides, if it wasn't for coffee, I'd get no calcium at all.

I did make my own this morning. A nice French Roast, whole milk, one S&L. And I didn't call myself any cute names.

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Ah. Momentary lapse of reason.

I'm not a fan of Starbucks, not so much because of their corporate practices (which occasionally wrankle), but because IMO their coffee sucks. Either that or their baristas suck. Or both. It probably varies by date/time/location.

Until recently, the only thing they had going for them was that there was a 24-hour one attached to a Barnes and Noble out here. But I recently found a couple 24-hour coffee places that aren't that much further, server better coffee, and aren't Starbucks.

Huzzah for rolling your own. I'll email you some cute names if you want. Make your DYI experience everything it can be.

- Jeho

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

Sooo...I accidentally named my son Connor McLeod. (okay, well, the naming was on purpose, but I didn't intend to name him after the character.) I don't suppose it makes any difference that the Highlander is actually Conner MacLeod, huh? *sigh* I just SO didn't want to name him Duncan...I had no idea at the time that his name in the movies is Conner. :o

I once worked with a guy named John Hancock. Heh. Poor guy. Worse yet, I went to preschool with a boy named Gamay Beaujolais Shepard. Like the wine. Poor kid probably changed his name to Pinot Noir when he grew up. ;)

Hope the cappuccino was good, at least.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

It's passable. I usually make my own in the mornings, and I've spoiled myself for how I make it.

[tapestry01.livejournal.com]

Try going through four years of high school gym classes with everybody calling you "Tiny" Tim...
(I hate Charles Dickens.)

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Uh huh, Susi sympathizes with you. I *loathe* the common name for the turntables that often reside in kitchens...NOT lazy-susan anywhere around me, thankyouverymuch!

Not to mention, Susie-Homemaker, yeah, fuuun-nee! Suzie-cream-cheese, now dammit, there's even a way to make fun of my *given* name of Mary Sue! Shit, no wonder I prefer Rowan! That's just a tree!

[butterflybill.livejournal.com]

Do you ever get Buffalo? I do a lot, especially in place of Butterfly.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

In Kansas City, it doesn't occur to people, which, now that you mention it, is kinda strange. I guess if I lived in North Platte - or some other Western Nebraska town - I'd get it more often than "The Agency".

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Why am I surprised that you don't get "Like the 19th century craftsman, designer, and Socialist?" more?

Oh yeah. M = .9E (+/- 5%)

- Jeho

* Assume that M = the number of MORONs in any given statistical sample. Assume that E = the total number of individuals in the statistical sample. The number of MORONS = 90% of EVERYONE (+/- 5%.) Present company is always excepted.

And then there is..

[ladyniniane.livejournal.com]

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (which I detested because I never could stand the book - I've tried reading it several times and have not been able to finish it).

But my most unfavorite is Becky Thatcher...and living in Missouri, I used to get that *all* the time.

[eacole72.livejournal.com]

Betsy Wetsy.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Yeah, I sympathize. The neighborhood kids used to call me "Wilma".

[grizesme.livejournal.com]

You'll always be WillBill to me! *LOL*

I had a voice mail message last week from a George Jones making reservations for the show this weekend. I made the reservation and yes.. I thought.. poor man, I bet he gets all the George Jones cracks. He called in on Friday to make some changes. I did not make any cute comments about his name. While I was going down the list HE said... no I'm not related.. I just said, but I bet you wish you had some of his money!

[aoifemacewen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if it had been THE George Jones he wouldn't have showed up. It seems he is infamous for not showing up for concerts according to what my mom told me years ago.

and

[starseeking.livejournal.com]

If he decides to grace the audience with his presence he was so lit he could have powered Chicago with the alcohol fumes.

[aoifemacewen.livejournal.com]

Wet? Forgive me if I sound dumb, but isn't a drink supposed to be wet?

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

A cappuchino is espresso mixed with steamed milk/foamed milk, about half of each. A "wet" cappuchino is more milk, less foam, and is the same thing as a "dry" latté.

Oh Please!

[wyckedgood.livejournal.com]

At least none of you have a famous demon posessed car with your name on it. Can I tell you how much I hated Stephen King when I was in the 3rd grade?

Not to mention no one ever...and I mean ever calls you by your actual name.

My name is Christine...is that really so hard?
My name is not Christy, Chris, Kirsty, Christina, Chrissy...I could go on.

Now when people call me the wrong name I just smile sweetly and say...No, my name is Christine, just like the Car.

[foolscap001.livejournal.com]

Well... for a long time I got a lot of Kool-Aid jokes. (My name is James Jones.)

I have to admit to having sinned... I was once introduced to a woman named Maria, and then a little later actually said out loud "I've just met a girl named Maria." At least I didn't sing...

The one I really cracked up over was in an online chat, where I was jejones. (No, the E doesn't stand for "Earl," even though I can do a decent basso "This is CNN" or "The Force is strong in this one...") Someone came on and said "Wow! Are you a member of Jesus Jones?" I tried to let him down easy.

Nowadays, I just smile and say, "Surely you've read my book, From Here to Eternity."

[foolscap001.livejournal.com]

Oops, I forgot... surely all coffee that one would drink is wet, so that must be some technical term. (Funny how many fields are full of them. Not like computers, where the terms make sense. :))

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

must be some technical term

Yep. More milk, less foam. See comment above.