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mapsedgeLady behind the counter. Good morning.
Me. smiling Good morning!
LBTC. What can I get started for you?
Me. reaching for my wallet I'd like a grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low™, cappuchino.
(For the uninitiated, that's barista-speak, and comes in the order it's written on the cup: size, variation, sweetener, drink.)
LBTC. Wow, you've got it down.
Me. Yeah.
LBTC. So that's a grandé, wet, one Splenda™ ---
Me. smile instantly vaporized No, not Splenda. Sweet & Low. There's a difference.
(For the record, Sweet & Low is a more efficient sweetener than Splenda, which has the same sweetening power of table sugar.)
LBTC. Oh, right, right. grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low, cappuchino.
Me. Right.
LBTC. And what name on the cup?
Me. "Bill."
LBTC. writing "Mister Bill."
Me. actively frowning now NO. Not Mister Bill. Just "Bill."
LBTC. Oh, right. You remember "Saturday Night L---?"
Me. Yes, I remember. Just "Bill."
Strangely, we go through this every goddamn time. With a name like "William Morris", and being forty years old, I've heard every variation there is. EVERY one. "William Morris Agency", "Oh, I just love your tapestries", "Oh, like the tobacco company", "Mr. Bill"...ad nauseum.
A word of advice to all you folks out there. Any human being with a recognizable name past the age of, say, twelve, has heard every clever variation. After age thirty or so, it's not cute or entertaining anymore: it's old, and makes us want to strangle you.
Me. smiling Good morning!
LBTC. What can I get started for you?
Me. reaching for my wallet I'd like a grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low™, cappuchino.
(For the uninitiated, that's barista-speak, and comes in the order it's written on the cup: size, variation, sweetener, drink.)
LBTC. Wow, you've got it down.
Me. Yeah.
LBTC. So that's a grandé, wet, one Splenda™ ---
Me. smile instantly vaporized No, not Splenda. Sweet & Low. There's a difference.
(For the record, Sweet & Low is a more efficient sweetener than Splenda, which has the same sweetening power of table sugar.)
LBTC. Oh, right, right. grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low, cappuchino.
Me. Right.
LBTC. And what name on the cup?
Me. "Bill."
LBTC. writing "Mister Bill."
Me. actively frowning now NO. Not Mister Bill. Just "Bill."
LBTC. Oh, right. You remember "Saturday Night L---?"
Me. Yes, I remember. Just "Bill."
Strangely, we go through this every goddamn time. With a name like "William Morris", and being forty years old, I've heard every variation there is. EVERY one. "William Morris Agency", "Oh, I just love your tapestries", "Oh, like the tobacco company", "Mr. Bill"...ad nauseum.
A word of advice to all you folks out there. Any human being with a recognizable name past the age of, say, twelve, has heard every clever variation. After age thirty or so, it's not cute or entertaining anymore: it's old, and makes us want to strangle you.
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 15:26 (UTC)I have to admit to having sinned... I was once introduced to a woman named Maria, and then a little later actually said out loud "I've just met a girl named Maria." At least I didn't sing...
The one I really cracked up over was in an online chat, where I was jejones. (No, the E doesn't stand for "Earl," even though I can do a decent basso "This is CNN" or "The Force is strong in this one...") Someone came on and said "Wow! Are you a member of Jesus Jones?" I tried to let him down easy.
Nowadays, I just smile and say, "Surely you've read my book, From Here to Eternity."