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mapsedgeLady behind the counter. Good morning.
Me. smiling Good morning!
LBTC. What can I get started for you?
Me. reaching for my wallet I'd like a grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low™, cappuchino.
(For the uninitiated, that's barista-speak, and comes in the order it's written on the cup: size, variation, sweetener, drink.)
LBTC. Wow, you've got it down.
Me. Yeah.
LBTC. So that's a grandé, wet, one Splenda™ ---
Me. smile instantly vaporized No, not Splenda. Sweet & Low. There's a difference.
(For the record, Sweet & Low is a more efficient sweetener than Splenda, which has the same sweetening power of table sugar.)
LBTC. Oh, right, right. grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low, cappuchino.
Me. Right.
LBTC. And what name on the cup?
Me. "Bill."
LBTC. writing "Mister Bill."
Me. actively frowning now NO. Not Mister Bill. Just "Bill."
LBTC. Oh, right. You remember "Saturday Night L---?"
Me. Yes, I remember. Just "Bill."
Strangely, we go through this every goddamn time. With a name like "William Morris", and being forty years old, I've heard every variation there is. EVERY one. "William Morris Agency", "Oh, I just love your tapestries", "Oh, like the tobacco company", "Mr. Bill"...ad nauseum.
A word of advice to all you folks out there. Any human being with a recognizable name past the age of, say, twelve, has heard every clever variation. After age thirty or so, it's not cute or entertaining anymore: it's old, and makes us want to strangle you.
Me. smiling Good morning!
LBTC. What can I get started for you?
Me. reaching for my wallet I'd like a grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low™, cappuchino.
(For the uninitiated, that's barista-speak, and comes in the order it's written on the cup: size, variation, sweetener, drink.)
LBTC. Wow, you've got it down.
Me. Yeah.
LBTC. So that's a grandé, wet, one Splenda™ ---
Me. smile instantly vaporized No, not Splenda. Sweet & Low. There's a difference.
(For the record, Sweet & Low is a more efficient sweetener than Splenda, which has the same sweetening power of table sugar.)
LBTC. Oh, right, right. grandé, wet, one Sweet & Low, cappuchino.
Me. Right.
LBTC. And what name on the cup?
Me. "Bill."
LBTC. writing "Mister Bill."
Me. actively frowning now NO. Not Mister Bill. Just "Bill."
LBTC. Oh, right. You remember "Saturday Night L---?"
Me. Yes, I remember. Just "Bill."
Strangely, we go through this every goddamn time. With a name like "William Morris", and being forty years old, I've heard every variation there is. EVERY one. "William Morris Agency", "Oh, I just love your tapestries", "Oh, like the tobacco company", "Mr. Bill"...ad nauseum.
A word of advice to all you folks out there. Any human being with a recognizable name past the age of, say, twelve, has heard every clever variation. After age thirty or so, it's not cute or entertaining anymore: it's old, and makes us want to strangle you.
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Oh Please!
Date: 2006-12-05 14:08 (UTC)Not to mention no one ever...and I mean ever calls you by your actual name.
My name is Christine...is that really so hard?
My name is not Christy, Chris, Kirsty, Christina, Chrissy...I could go on.
Now when people call me the wrong name I just smile sweetly and say...No, my name is Christine, just like the Car.