Listen up, asshole...

[mapsedge]

I know you designed your dealership's old website. It isn't my fault that your boss decided we could do it better, but here's something you should probably know:

1. We have a half dozen other clients who use the same ISP you do. They have no problems.
   
2. We log every web request that comes to the server. Yours are served as fast as every other.
   
3. We log every database hit. It takes an average of .6 seconds to "build" your content...actually, that's a little faster than some of the others.
   
4. You are the only client we have who uses a firewall appliance.
   

So, one of two things is true. Option A: you don't know what you're doing and shouldn't be allowed in the dealership's network room, or Option B: you deliberately set up your dealership's firewall to prejudicially filter the new website and make it look unreasonably slow.

If it's Option B, well, such behavior is pretty easy to diagnose, and it won't take long until the finger points...at you. If it's Option A, we're all screwed.

And why the hell would a car dealership NEED a firewall appliance, anyway? If your salesmen have time enough to surf porn sites, then you won't be in business very much longer to begin with. The more important stuff like sales and service data are handled on your DMS's subnet, and that network isn't your problem.

I'm all for bringing on new customers. But you are a pain in the ass.

Comments

Re: grok oh too well...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

I know two of the people on your list, BJ (see my reply to Jeho), and (I think) Dennis, with whom I worked at Sprint.

Re: grok oh too well...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

It should be noted, in both cases, my memory matches your opinion. :)

Re: grok oh too well...

[iarraidh.livejournal.com]

The Dennis Howell I had the misfortune to work with was the stereotypical 50-ish, plaid shirt wearin, black framed glasses, pocket-protector type. I am told he was brilliant in his own way. He was also an incredibly abrasive person. Once we recorded him bitching someone out who worked under him.
The recording said things like "How can you be that stupid?" and "Your are totally worthless".
When played back to him in the subsequent meeting this event generated, he swore it was edited together. He claimed to remembered saying things like "That could use some work" and "Here...Let me help you".

BJ was personable enough, but his code proved the old proverb -
If carpenters built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would have destroyed civilization.
His ineptitude is haging over us like the sowrd of Damacles every day. On one of our core systems, in a panic one day he applied a hot fix. But then he didn't document it or change the source-safe copies, so if we had to recompile it and rebuild the system, we couldn't.
It was common for these knob-jobs to apply program changes to RUNNING PRODUCTION SYSTEMS rather than test systems and then be astonished that while the production system was crashed and all the customers were calling, that we felt ill will towards them and their efforts.

Buffoons

Re: grok oh too well...

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Ah, "test in production."

I hate those sorts of wankers. Since somebody decided I was too good at doing my thing and made me management* it's been my mission to declaw them whenever I find them.

Understand, Design, Code, Test, Document, Test some more, Promote. It's not rocket science. It's common sense.

- Jeho

* Speaking of bad judgement... saying "Sure that sounds cool" was probably the worst, most unfulfilling career move I've ever made. And it's damn near impossible to get out of once you start down that track. More money. Less filling.