Listen up, asshole...

[mapsedge]

I know you designed your dealership's old website. It isn't my fault that your boss decided we could do it better, but here's something you should probably know:

1. We have a half dozen other clients who use the same ISP you do. They have no problems.
   
2. We log every web request that comes to the server. Yours are served as fast as every other.
   
3. We log every database hit. It takes an average of .6 seconds to "build" your content...actually, that's a little faster than some of the others.
   
4. You are the only client we have who uses a firewall appliance.
   

So, one of two things is true. Option A: you don't know what you're doing and shouldn't be allowed in the dealership's network room, or Option B: you deliberately set up your dealership's firewall to prejudicially filter the new website and make it look unreasonably slow.

If it's Option B, well, such behavior is pretty easy to diagnose, and it won't take long until the finger points...at you. If it's Option A, we're all screwed.

And why the hell would a car dealership NEED a firewall appliance, anyway? If your salesmen have time enough to surf porn sites, then you won't be in business very much longer to begin with. The more important stuff like sales and service data are handled on your DMS's subnet, and that network isn't your problem.

I'm all for bringing on new customers. But you are a pain in the ass.

Comments

grok oh too well...

[iarraidh.livejournal.com]

It's always hard to deal with the aftermath of schemers, finaglers and bullshit artists, especially when they are INEPT at their bullshit.

They spend so much time and energy trying to impress people with how clever they are that they usually miss completely the simple, proper solution and muddy up the pond for anyone who has to clean up after them.

Todd Mochamer
Dennis Howell
Don Latson
Eric Schmidt
Dave Willis
BJ Custard
Don Ingram
Victor Mitchell
Johnnie Weathersby...

Just a few I've endured in just the last few years at work.

Then you get into REAL pieces of work -
Geoffrey Mattewson
Jeff Campbell
Donna Chambers
Charles AKA Baer AKA 'Chuckles' Kenney
Vanessa AKA 'Pookey' AKA 'punching bag' Kenney
Mike AKA Liam Riggs...
the list seems to have no end.

Little bits of bad pork and cheese burrito, clogging up the bowels of the Universe, cramping and hurting everything they touch until with a painful grunt it poops them out.

Just my opinion, of course.
Your mileage may vary.

Re: grok oh too well...

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

At first I was happy that I didn't make the list. But this made me smile broadly and nearly guffaw:

BJ Custard

Sophomoric? Perhaps. But still funny.

- Jeho

Re: grok oh too well...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

BJ Custard

Assuming John didn't just randomly make it up, I know who he's talking about. I worked with a guy by that very name on my first programming job. Double degree in chemistry and somethin' else (based on overlap, he only had to take two classes for the second degree), and while he was a good cube neighbor, I was grateful I didn't have to deal with his code.

Re: grok oh too well...

[iarraidh.livejournal.com]

A big qualifier was Ineptitude.

Last time I checked, you're talented enough that nobody could accuse you of that :)

Bad judgement at times?
When are any of us guiltless of that one.

Decisions made from lack of experience?
Ditto the above.

No, you'd have to really apply yourself to reach the levels of "waste-of-skin" the mentioned bipeds have achieved :)

Re: grok oh too well...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

I know two of the people on your list, BJ (see my reply to Jeho), and (I think) Dennis, with whom I worked at Sprint.

Re: grok oh too well...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

It should be noted, in both cases, my memory matches your opinion. :)

Re: grok oh too well...

[iarraidh.livejournal.com]

The Dennis Howell I had the misfortune to work with was the stereotypical 50-ish, plaid shirt wearin, black framed glasses, pocket-protector type. I am told he was brilliant in his own way. He was also an incredibly abrasive person. Once we recorded him bitching someone out who worked under him.
The recording said things like "How can you be that stupid?" and "Your are totally worthless".
When played back to him in the subsequent meeting this event generated, he swore it was edited together. He claimed to remembered saying things like "That could use some work" and "Here...Let me help you".

BJ was personable enough, but his code proved the old proverb -
If carpenters built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would have destroyed civilization.
His ineptitude is haging over us like the sowrd of Damacles every day. On one of our core systems, in a panic one day he applied a hot fix. But then he didn't document it or change the source-safe copies, so if we had to recompile it and rebuild the system, we couldn't.
It was common for these knob-jobs to apply program changes to RUNNING PRODUCTION SYSTEMS rather than test systems and then be astonished that while the production system was crashed and all the customers were calling, that we felt ill will towards them and their efforts.

Buffoons

Re: grok oh too well...

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Ah, "test in production."

I hate those sorts of wankers. Since somebody decided I was too good at doing my thing and made me management* it's been my mission to declaw them whenever I find them.

Understand, Design, Code, Test, Document, Test some more, Promote. It's not rocket science. It's common sense.

- Jeho

* Speaking of bad judgement... saying "Sure that sounds cool" was probably the worst, most unfulfilling career move I've ever made. And it's damn near impossible to get out of once you start down that track. More money. Less filling.