Ramblings, rumblings, grumblings, and rambling grumbly rumblings.

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That depends. Am I allowed some measure or all of what I know now? Or am I simply restarting at some prior time and reliving it?

If reliving it, no thanks. It was bad enough the first time.

If I could go back with today's knowledge, I would have to reach back very far - to when I was nineteen years old, a year after my father died, rudderless and dating a girl who I foolishly followed to a college that was ultimately without worth in terms of shaping my career. (I have written about that before.)

I would seek out a man I could respect to fill a paternal role in my life.

I would break up with Sheri, and attend a different college - probably NWMSU, where I had a scholarship (but no idea what that meant, since no one ever told me).

...and I would never, ever be without a condom.

[Error: unknown template qotd] I spent News Year's Day feeling out-of-phase and listless, but that comes of a late night (among other things), and I doubt very much is an indicator of how the rest of the year will go. I didn't perk up - not really - until the evening. A meal of Chinese food, kind of a tradition at our house - and some small physical activity helped.

Onward.

In our family, we've pledged to make this a year of better balance, and better attention paid to the things that matter. Imperative (bills, IRS), important (kids, family, friends), needs (flooring, go figure), and wants (DTV converters), for examples.

Stay focused: If a cup of tea would be comforting, make the tea right then, don't put it off just because something shiny sparkles in the margins of our attention.

I want to not speak when whispering will do, to not raise my voice when speaking will do, to not shout when raising my voice will do, and ultimately to not shout at all. It's rarely needed, anyway.

When I work, I want to work like I'm showing off. When my partners think I'm a genius, I want there to be a real reason, not just because I whipped through something by the seat of my pants too fast for them to catch the details.

I want to make more music, shoot more video. I want to write more songs (that's a whole post, right there.) I want to sing like Josh Groban but still sound like me.

I want to beat my kids every day. They know what I mean :)

I want to love my wife every day, even in those times when we don't much like each other.

The new year is just an easy way to mark a line in the sand and say, "From here, these things will change." Arbitrary, but you have to start somewhere, right?