Thoughts deep enough to give them their own topic...

[mapsedge]

iarraidh commented, in reference to attending the baseball game:

People who don't have anxiety disorders have no clue what it's like when we're thrust into the chaos of, well, People.

Everything is turned up to 11, and all those people stabbing at me trying to force me to interact with them on so many levels from so many directions.

Introverts typically have to constantly EXPEND energy to be around people, particularly large numbers of people they aren't already familiar with. The constant barrage of the demands of the extroverts drains the hell out of me.

The argument I usually get back is, "Well, you used to do renaissance festivals."

The simple reply to that is, "Operative words: used to."

But there are other dynamics at work there. At a festival, I am in costume. The vast majority of patrons ignore costumed performers because they want to be left alone to enjoy the show, rendering me effectively invisible. Until I choose to interact, I am extremely well-dressed scenery. Important point: I choose to interact; no one pushes interaction on me.

I am there with a purpose, which provides a mental shield. It's my environment, my space, my community.

Festivals also don't happen at 100dB¹.

I am relaxed today, more like my normal, grumpy asshole self. I am painfully sunburned - my nose, as usual, is blistering a little, and combing my hair hurts  - but the sun-migraine is gone and I can think and function. Breakfast is warming in the oven, cappuchino is made, I'm ready to start my day.


¹ 15dB higher than the minimum safe level to prevent hearing loss, according to OSHA

Comments

it's funny...

[themadblonde]

most people assume I am an extrovert because I am a performer &, under many circumstances, am not particularly shy about calling attention to myself. However, I'm beginning to suspect that I'm actually a socialised introvert. I can be VERY exhausted by large crowds of people, &/or interactions that are not ones I choose (put me up on stage, good; have people swamping me on a lane trying to figure out how my hoop skirt is put together, bad), BUT I can also be very energised by small, focussed gatherings of people. I'm more likely to take charge of a situation because I'm too impatient to wait for someone else to do it, rather than really WANTING to be in charge. & sometimes I can be painfully shy, particularly in parties where I don't know anyone. Give me something to do & I'm happy, but just sitting around @ someone's wedding reception- MISERY.

[rhiannontherose.livejournal.com]

I too, can relate. Actually, we both can, Keainid even moreso than me. (And Keainid's mother has a worse case of agoraphobia.) Keainid has another angle on it, too -- he hates to be touched. It's one thing if he's making a choice (on a person-to-person basis or a case-by-case basis), to touch or let someone touch him. Get him around friends or family and he's a huggy person, and if it's the right people with a certain level of mutal comfort and trust, there' plenty of casual touchy-feeliness in both directions, no problem. (In my case, sometimes distinctly UNcasual touchy-feeliness ;-D ) You know, hand on someone's arm, arm around someone's shoulders, poking or tickling or whatever. And of course, if he's involved in martial arts or anything like that, there's plenty of contact, and that's fine. Approach him and offer a handshake or a hug, and he doesn't know you well or at all...well, he can make his own move to accept/participate, and he can handle it. It's all about context, and that security element of control. But if you enter his personal space bubble and it's out of his distinct choosing...let alone if you crowd it...he's very uncomfortable, both mentally and physically. It's actually a kind of running joke amongst his associates...everyone likes working with/for him, but you can't touch him...except not everyone makes it to the punchline. The other day it was being openly discussed -- he was trying to make a new hire understand that it wasn't personal, it was just the way he was -- and another cashier said, "Oh, but we're old friends now, so *I* can touch him," and put her hand on his shoulder unexpectedly, from behind, as she did. He actually jolted and let out a, "GAH!" sound. She immediately apologized, and, well...it certainly made his point. An old manager we had, years ago, had a "thing" for putting his arm around an associate's shoulders, while telling them what he wanted them to do. Asking him not to, never sank in, and management over him didn't feel it was worth doing anything about. Keainid was much more freshly out of lots and lots and lots of martial training, and had to force a reflex whenever this guy came, to stiffen himself frozen and lock his jaw, because his more natural reflex whenever he approached was to deflect and throw him away. In that time period, if someone came unexpectedly around a display corner, Keainid automatically went into a martial block. So this bozo...he was looking to get himself hurt.

[iarraidh.livejournal.com]

At a festival, I am in costume. The vast majority of patrons ignore costumed performers because they want to be left alone to enjoy the show, rendering me effectively invisible. Until I choose to interact, I am extremely well-dressed scenery. Important point: I choose to interact; no one pushes interaction on me.

Spot on.

We create "someone else" to be.
THAT person has the characteristics we choose to imbue into him, and we are safe behind it.
We can also drop it like a throwaway handgun and flee the scene whenever it becomes necessary.

I developed an entire other person to step into like putting on a pair of coveralls when I was a Shriner. That is such an in-your-face and in-your-space world I had to develop my "Shriner Face". We even called it that. I was playing a part. Interaction was glib, glad-handing, and completely superficial. John was downstairs watching a reality show about a fraternal organization.