Crystal Skull
Nov. 14th, 2008 09:24![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mapsedgeMovie Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It's been twenty years, and it shows. I can't say I hated the movie, but there were so many little things wrong with it that I had a difficult time enjoying it. I'm as willing as the next person to suspend disbelief, but come on!
I'm not talking about the aliens. In the context of the '50s, the Red scare, Hoover's FBI, McCarthy, the interest in spacemen and life on Mars, etc, the premise of the film actually works. Hell, if I'm willing to enjoy a homicidal Jewish relic, a large bald dude who does cardiac surgery with his bare hands, and a copper cup that bestows eternal life (even though Indy continues to age. Hmm...), then going with aliens is okay with me. It's the little details, the sloppy writing and cinematography, that bug me.
This is a film that looks like it never stepped out of a soundstage. The lighting for the jungle scenes is too good, too polished and precise. There were moments in the swordfight between Spalko and Mutt that appear to be CGI, and I cringed to see it. It violates the spirit of the series, and is not an improvement.
The fight between Indy and the Russian on the anthill in the jungle dragged...and dragged...and dragged. I knew how it would end, and with every punch, I cared less and less. I don't often get bored with fight scenes.
I love Kate Blanchett, and she acquits herself entertainingly in the role of Spalko, but every "O" betrays her. She can't seem to find that Russian groove and stay with it, and Elizabeth elbows in with enough frequency and clarity that it distracts. John Hurt is wasted as Professor Oxley, given nothing to do but act nuts until his final line. I enjoyed Shia LaBeouf, though, like Hurt, he wasn't given anything interesting to do but act pissed off.
Then there's the sloppy research, the little insults to my intelligence. For starters, why would KGB agents in the 1950's be carrying what appear to be American made handguns? (Okay, sure, they could, since they're in America, but my expectation is that they'd carry something European.) Why is a Russian officer carrying a non-military issue sword? (Actually, that's sort of explained about halfway through the film, but you have to watch for it, and be willing to not ask the question, "Where did she get it?") How would Professor Oxley refer to the aliens as "interdimensional beings" when the idea of string theory and multiple parallel dimensions wasn't proposed until the late '60s1?
Actually, there's an answer to that. George Lucas wrote the story. The man who gave us Jar Jar-fucking-Binks wrote the latest Indiana Jones. This was back when Independence Day was out in theatres. Speilberg called Lucas and said, "Wait, we can't do aliens. The topic's already been done!" No problem, replies Lucas, we just won't call them aliens. Good one George, nobody will notice that. Why not just put a credit at the beginning of the movie, George, something that says, "I think my audiences are stupid."
The story bubbled around for ten years, got several rewrites, but never lost the Lucas handicap. Thank God they had the presence of mind not to give it Lucas's title, IndiananJones and the Saucer Men.
I hope this is it. I hope this is the end. Harrison Ford, much as I love him, is simply too old to convince me that he can take the hits and keep bouncing back. It doesn't work anymore, and it's painful to watch. Karen Allen was fun; nice to see that the chemistry that made Marian and Indy's relationship both warm and stormy is still there, but that kiss at the end? Like watching my parents. No thanks. Indiana Jones married? So much for any further archeological field work. "And who's going with you, hm? Not that little tramp from Classical Mythology 201, mister! And you'd better be home before 10:00 or I'm taking the Relic and going back to Tibet!"
No, not so much.
1 Actually, the fundamentals that would later become string theory were introduced as early as 1926. Space/time, and the possibility of alternate dimensions, didn't come into the picture until 1969.
It's been twenty years, and it shows. I can't say I hated the movie, but there were so many little things wrong with it that I had a difficult time enjoying it. I'm as willing as the next person to suspend disbelief, but come on!
I'm not talking about the aliens. In the context of the '50s, the Red scare, Hoover's FBI, McCarthy, the interest in spacemen and life on Mars, etc, the premise of the film actually works. Hell, if I'm willing to enjoy a homicidal Jewish relic, a large bald dude who does cardiac surgery with his bare hands, and a copper cup that bestows eternal life (even though Indy continues to age. Hmm...), then going with aliens is okay with me. It's the little details, the sloppy writing and cinematography, that bug me.
This is a film that looks like it never stepped out of a soundstage. The lighting for the jungle scenes is too good, too polished and precise. There were moments in the swordfight between Spalko and Mutt that appear to be CGI, and I cringed to see it. It violates the spirit of the series, and is not an improvement.
The fight between Indy and the Russian on the anthill in the jungle dragged...and dragged...and dragged. I knew how it would end, and with every punch, I cared less and less. I don't often get bored with fight scenes.
I love Kate Blanchett, and she acquits herself entertainingly in the role of Spalko, but every "O" betrays her. She can't seem to find that Russian groove and stay with it, and Elizabeth elbows in with enough frequency and clarity that it distracts. John Hurt is wasted as Professor Oxley, given nothing to do but act nuts until his final line. I enjoyed Shia LaBeouf, though, like Hurt, he wasn't given anything interesting to do but act pissed off.
Then there's the sloppy research, the little insults to my intelligence. For starters, why would KGB agents in the 1950's be carrying what appear to be American made handguns? (Okay, sure, they could, since they're in America, but my expectation is that they'd carry something European.) Why is a Russian officer carrying a non-military issue sword? (Actually, that's sort of explained about halfway through the film, but you have to watch for it, and be willing to not ask the question, "Where did she get it?") How would Professor Oxley refer to the aliens as "interdimensional beings" when the idea of string theory and multiple parallel dimensions wasn't proposed until the late '60s1?
Actually, there's an answer to that. George Lucas wrote the story. The man who gave us Jar Jar-fucking-Binks wrote the latest Indiana Jones. This was back when Independence Day was out in theatres. Speilberg called Lucas and said, "Wait, we can't do aliens. The topic's already been done!" No problem, replies Lucas, we just won't call them aliens. Good one George, nobody will notice that. Why not just put a credit at the beginning of the movie, George, something that says, "I think my audiences are stupid."
The story bubbled around for ten years, got several rewrites, but never lost the Lucas handicap. Thank God they had the presence of mind not to give it Lucas's title, IndiananJones and the Saucer Men.
I hope this is it. I hope this is the end. Harrison Ford, much as I love him, is simply too old to convince me that he can take the hits and keep bouncing back. It doesn't work anymore, and it's painful to watch. Karen Allen was fun; nice to see that the chemistry that made Marian and Indy's relationship both warm and stormy is still there, but that kiss at the end? Like watching my parents. No thanks. Indiana Jones married? So much for any further archeological field work. "And who's going with you, hm? Not that little tramp from Classical Mythology 201, mister! And you'd better be home before 10:00 or I'm taking the Relic and going back to Tibet!"
No, not so much.
1 Actually, the fundamentals that would later become string theory were introduced as early as 1926. Space/time, and the possibility of alternate dimensions, didn't come into the picture until 1969.