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[mapsedge]

The BillTheTailor User's Manual

Ganked from rowangolightly. This is probably the hardest meme I've ever done. There are so many issues wrapped up in it...it took me three days of writing, pausing, coming back and writing more. Each topic cross-references like a shattered windshield.

I'm still not satisfied, but I ought to post or I never will...

1. How does someone make you happy?

I'm a hedonist, or would be if I had the correct environment for it. As it is, I am at least in this way very much a typical guy: keep me fed and laid. My tastes in both food and sex are fairly pedestrian. I like my steak medium-rare. I'm not into bondage, threesomes or roleplaying. Deeper than that? Okay:

Listen when I talk; if you're not interested, steer me to another subject, but gently and without interrupting a sentence.

Realize that, when it matters, it takes me a while to formulate what I want to say, and give me the time to say it. Being able to talk quickly while performing doesn't equal being able to tell you what I'm really thinking and feeling.

Please don't talk shop. I work with computers for a living: it is an incorrect assumption that I'm going to love talking to "John" because "John is in computers, too!" There are those of the people I know who can get away with this, and they know who they are and what "shops" are safe ground.

The obverse of this question is "How does someone avoid making you unhappy?" Don't interrupt me. My train of thought has a very hard time staying on its track, and interruptions hurt. Really, as in "cause headaches."

Acknowledge me. Don't let me sit in silence wondering if you heard what I said, even if all you do is go, "Mm hmmm..." Nothing makes me feel value-less like being ignored.

Let me see your passion, I don't care what it's about, though I hope I'm in there somewhere.

When we work together, watch what I do and anticipate my needs if you can: have the washcloth ready, or the soap, or the hammer, or the box of tissues.

If you see me coming to sit down and there's something in the way, push it aside if you can. If my arms are full, open the door for me.

In other words, when we're together, include me in your sphere of attention.

Tell me your expectations before you get pissed off that I haven't met them. Accept that I'm not omniscient, and that no matter how long I've known you I'm still going to need reminders from time to time. (see #9)

Keep my environment calm. I overwhelm easily, and chaos - where I am not in a position to change it - is one trigger.

Like everyone else, I want to feel warm and secure, and I'm at my best when I have someone there to help me feel that way.


2. If you are angry or hurting, what should we do? what should we *not* do?

Don't try to sympathize, please, and don't try to fix. Just clear a path until I can work through it, and stay close because once I do I'm going to need support- sometimes emotional, sometimes if the anger or problem is bad enough, physical. If I need help from outside myself during the storm, I'll ask for it.

Understand that if you are the subject of my anger or the reason I'm hurting, I want to forgive and I will but I have a long memory for emotional turmoil, and am not likely to put myself in a position to allow you to create tumult in my life again.

If I suddenly grow silent and focused upon something or someone, move that something or someone to Minimum Safe Distance and wait: as long as I'm talking, the world is relatively safe. As my former-ATF father-in-law says, people making threats are too busy making them to carry them out. It's the quiet ones you should be afraid of.


3. Are there things we should ~not~ discuss?

My father, specifically the two years he spent dying. I can't remember much of those two years, and what I can remember I don't want to so I'd appreciate not being helped along there.

Other than that, you can bring up anything you like. Never ever ask me a question to which you do not want an honest answer. Don't fish.

If the subject, however painful, is based in love or mutual respect, there really isn't anything off-limits, and if you think of something that is, I'll say so.


4. How do you want to be treated when you are sick?

Leave me be, but please check in from time to time in case I need anything and can't muster the energy to get up and get it. I like a quiet environment anyway, doubly so when I'm not feeling good. Understand that I'm going to be short-tempered, and don't take anything personally.


5. What do you share with others?

The usuals: food, humor, home, music.


6. What do you NOT share with others?

I'm very jealous of my time, especially now that there is little of it just for me. Not that I won't share it, I'm just going to be stingey.


7. Are there times of year that are difficult for you?

Christmas. This was the season that my father stood in the living room (at about the spot where my guitar now sits) looking confusedly at my sister and said, "I should know who you are...you look familiar." He had two years, four months, and maybe twenty days to live. The holidays are also a time when expectations get set unreasonably high and are always disappointed. The weekend after Thanksgiving is a living hell I would just as soon skip.

Summer is difficult physically, as I have no tolerance for heat. Anything above 90 degrees for any length of time, and I become a zombie, without conscience or consciousness.


8. Are there important anniversaries that we should recognize in your life?

Drop me an email on my birthday if you like, maybe a coupla bucks in a card so I can buy a cheeseburger, but don't feel obligated. If the event is that important to me I'll throw a party and invite you.


9. How does someone become your friend?

Be friendly and honest, and make the effort to be interesting. If you see my eyes glaze and don't change the subject, I'm not likely to stick around. Correct me when I'm wrong, steer me when I need guidance, and validate me. (See question 1, above.) Be willing to say nothing if there's nothing to say. Understand that I'm determined to live my life, and be tolerant when I get wrapped up in doing so. Be willing to interrupt me, even if you have to wait a few minutes after doing so to fully get my attention.


10. How does someone lose you as a friend?

Feel compelled to fill the silence. Be passive-aggressive. Be dishonest with me. Insult or treat with disrespect the people I care about, especially my wife and children.

Be boorish. Talk incessantly about your favorite topic when I've made it clear that I'm not really interested. Try to sell me stuff, the same stuff as last time when I wasn't interested.

Need help but don't ask for it, and then get pissy with me when I don't offer it, even if I should know better. (see #9)

Put lots of long shit in your LiveJournal without ever using "cuts". (Just seeing if you're paying attention.)

Finish my sentences for me. There are few people on this earth that can do that with any accuracy, and they know who they are. If you're not sure, you're not one of them.


11. Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf?

My wife, mljm. She keeps the calendar.


12. How would you like for us to recognize your birthday?

See question 8, above.


13. Are there standing categories of presents that would be welcome or inappropriate?

Please don't buy me stuff, I have enough stuff, and the stuff I want is specialized and specific. Gift cards are the way to go, Lowes, Home Depot, Wal*Mart, Starbucks. If you must buy me something, nothing religious or inflammatory. 2XL undecorated t-shirts and sweatshirts in shades of green, blue, and red are always safe, and I love texture.


14. What are you most sensitive about?

Personally, not much.


15. What scares you?

Illness and infirmity, aging, being alone (in the grander sense). I don't have any expectations of life beyond my mid-fifties, so I'm not handling turning 40 very well.

Comments

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to seeing you when the next opportunity presents itself!

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Me too! I seem to recall an opportunity either last week or this, but with everyone in the family so sick we've lost track of everything we had planned to do and everyone we'd planned to see. I just keep praying that folks we've blown off will remind us or at least forgive!

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

You were all invited to dinner Wednesday night and if you are well I hope you can all come over...I'm making baked potato soup. 6:30ish.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Oh GOOD we didn't miss it. Oh, I hope I hope I hope! We both want to come over. Michelle's having a CT scan right this very minute, an attempt to further diagnose what happened last week and why the residual symptoms haven't gone away. Our plans for the rest of the week will depend greatly upon what they find and how the doctor's decide to treat it.

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

OMG. Well, all my healing energy to her at the moment.

I'm really looking forward to having this small group over Wednesday and I REALLY want you guys to be there. If the kids need something specific in the way of food, let me know. Of course, that all depends on whether you actualy get to come over :)

well put together...

[themadblonde]

but are you SURE about the threesomes? Better check mljm's christmas list for you. ;-)

Re: well put together...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Well, admittedly, I've never tried it, though I'm always open to new experiences. I'm pretty sure that's not on MLJM's list, though :)

ok...

[themadblonde]

maybe that was her list for HER then... ;-)

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

That was a nice read...not too much that was surprising to me.

But you are still one of my absolutely favorite people and I don't see that changing any time soon...

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You, too, by the way.

Michelle read this yesterday, and laughed by the end, commenting, "It seems like you should have ended every paragraph with 'Michelle, are you listening?'" A few years ago, we couldn't have laughed at that. I did answer, though, "Well, are you?" In a way, I wish she had time to do this one, too.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

I think everybody should to that! It's just a 'look inside' that couldn't hurt for loved ones to have...