(no subject)

[mapsedge]

Fireworks have been illegal for seventeen years in Independence. This year, once again legal, fireworks tents have sprouted in every large parking lot. Sounds great, but the folks have forgotten how to sell their product. I asked one man about a particular firework - we like multi-shot, aerial break, no whistlers if we can avoid them - and he talked for three solid minutes. About his product? No. Anecdotes and misc details about other fireworks - a long, drawn out, almost Minnesotan discourse that amounted to one, three word sentence: "I don't know."

He finally said, "Go ask that guy over there," pointing to an older man, and as I walked away, I'll be damned if he didn't launch into another fucking story! I ignored him and kept walking.

Got to the second man, whom the other employees called "Mr. Bill", and asked the same question. He did exactly the same thing! Finally, he indicated a table in the back corner that supposedly contained the fireworks I wanted.

I said, "So these do what I want?"

And he picks one up, and proceeds to read me the label. I turned to Michelle some distance away, got her attention, and indicated my intention to leave. On my way to the van, I started thinking of how I would word this story for LJ.

I don't know if you've ever read the label of the cheaper fireworks, but they are not...descriptive. Black Cat and Brothers Fireworks include a reasonably detailed description of what the firework does: they include words like "peony" or "chrysanthemum" (the large, circular "break"), "palm leaf" (a directional break), and so on. The cheaper fireworks say things like "Fuse Here" and "Made in China."

Where we shopped first, unfortunately, it was all the cheap stuff. We bought simple stuff for the kids - tanks, boats, ground blooms - and left.

We went next to Godzilla's - out at Fireworks Central, the intersection of highways 291 and 210, between Independence and Liberty, where there are no fewer than six fireworks tents every year.  At every major intersection in Independence there were people holding sign poles advertising "Godzilla's Going Out Of Business: All Fireworks 50% Off." I didn't believe it, but we checked.

Their stuff was indeed 50% off, but there were only two choices on the tables: sparklers or Thermonuclear War with North Korea. I wasn't surprised.

Finally we went where we always go, Big Jack's Fireworks.

Big Jack's has two tents at 291/210: one's profits go to the company, the other's profits to charity. There we bought the Big Fireworks: multi-shot, aerial breakers with clear performance descriptions and names like Blue Diamond and Sweet Betsy and Garden in Spring.

...and a box of mortars. Mortars are my favorite, but only in moderation. Light-whoomp!-bang!...repeat...repeat...it gets tiresome after a dozen or so. Last year we had forty or so to shoot off. I was really glad when the last one went up.
The gathering was relaxed and fun. Usually it's a block party in Blue Springs, but a few of the participants are sick so for the first time since Michelle and I married, the party was at our house. The Morrises; Michelle's parents and her grandmother; her sister and sister's partner; and Star. Good food (apple & gouda chicken brots...yummy), good drink (two gallons of sweet tea). The kids set off the little stuff in the front yard/driveway/sidewalk, and then we went to the back for The Big Stuff.

(Yeah, I let my four year old set off fireworks. Soon as he has better fine motor skills, I'll teach him how to use a knife, too.)

I built a firing platform from a couple of sawhorses and a piece of plywood to give the fireworks something to sit on and so I wouldn't have to kneel in the grass to light them. Made my job easier.

I will admit that by the end of it my brain had just about filled up with noise, and I'm glad it's done. A day of relative quiet will be nice.

And that was our 4th of July.

Comments

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

I can so see your face as you deal with the "Mr. Haneys" of fireworks sales. Priceless.

[eacole72.livejournal.com]

Look for a company called Grand Patriot or Cannon. The owner is in Topeka, and he spends half his year in China designing new setups. His staff, at least in Emporia, puts together laminated cards for each mortar collection & cake that lists what to expect from it. We've decided we won't buy from anyone else now.

wow...

[themadblonde]

you really ARE importing Minnesotans to do your fireworks sales. & that is SO typical of locals, nice, chatty, & TOTALLY unhelpful. Some of the most clueless customer service we've ever received has been up here. Sheeesh!