Birds down the chimney

[mapsedge]

The only purpose of the chimney on our house is to vent the furnace and the water heater, both of which use natural gas. Quite a lot of warm air escapes up the thing and as a result, we get birds that perch up there to take advantage of the heat. There is no chimney cap or screen on top.

You can imagine we get a bird or two down the tubes, so to speak. The clean-out at the bottom is completely blocked by the feathers and skeletons of the millions...okay, hundreds...oh, alright, tens of birds who on their way down didn't manage to catch onto the furnace flue.

I think starlings must be the dumbest birds on the planet. Now, before you members of the American Society of Starling Apologists flood my inbox with email, let me tell you that I have rescued a fair number of birds from the Morris Death Trap, and that never, NEVER have I had to rescue a bluejay; a robin; a cardinal; a sparrow; a snowbird; a woodpecker; or a mourning dove.

No. It's always starlings. I'll hear scrabbling inside the flue duct or above the furnace plenum, and I'll pull the front cover off the furnace and out flies A STARLING, looking at me like I'm the one who fucked up.

Getting them out is simple enough. Turn off all the lights in the basement and wait for daylight. The bird will follow the light and find his way into the garage, and, taking the windows on the garage door for exits, beat himself senseless - which doesn't take long for A STARLING - until I open the door and let him fly away.

You could ask - and the emails have already started arriving from the ASSA to this effect - why I don't just put a cover on the chimney. There are plenty of reasons, the three biggest being:

1. T'aint easy getting up on my roof to do the job.


2. Purchasing or building a chimney cap that won't cause the vented carbon monoxide to draft back into the house costs money that is better spent on, say, food


3. Have you counted how many starlings there are on this little planet? I figure I'm doing my part to prevent world - or at least, bird feeder - domination.

Three in the last three days. One got in Friday, two yesterday. The one from this morning even shat on my workbench as he left, the ungrateful little bastard. I'm pretty sure there's something in the Geneva Convention against that.

In the meantime, they can keep sending their spies. We'll keep finding them out, and sending them back with nothing to report. Not like you can convey a lot of detail with "tweet."

Comments

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

What about putting some sort of screening over it...and yes, I know that still doesn't take care of the 'hard to get on the roof' part, but it might be easier in the long run than dealing with all the starlings.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Yes, thought of that, but if you give the birdies something to perch on they will eventually clog it with feathers, waste, etc., which would compromise the venting of CO₁ out of the house. In addition to the screen there must be a cap of some kind to keep the opening clear. Time to just knuckle down and go buy one, I think...

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain, dear....we had the same problem in OP.

Damned starlings.