Work Ranting, day 2...

[mapsedge]

I stood, staring at the pile of lumber.  It was hot and dusty, and the sweat was stinging my eyes.  Deadline looming, and I still had no idea what to build.

"Good morning!" a cheery voice behind me sing-songed.

I turned.  A woman I'd never seen before was smiling at me.  The smile said, I'm working with the customer.  I'm here to help. 

She said, "I'm working with the customer.  I'm here to help."

"Ok, great," I said, relieved.  "My question is --- "

"That's a table saw."

"--- beg pardon?"

"Here, I'll show you."

She moved past me.  There, on a pair of sawhorses, was a brand new table saw, plugged in and full of lumber-cutting potential, it's blade gleaming in the sunlight, each tooth glinting it's deadly sharpness into the morning. 

She pointed at the matte black chassis.  "That's the power button."  The pointing finger moved.  "That's the cutting fence."

I stood, mouth agape, looking into the abyss I had so recently backed away from.

She picked up a board from the pile.  "You set the fence to the width you want the board to be, turn on the saw, and slide the board through."  She held up a piece of wood, sized for holding with one hand and shaped vaguely like a dolphin's silhouette.  "When you start getting close to the blade, finish pushing with this."   She demonstrated.

"Do you know what I'm building?" I asked, trying to maintain my sanity.

"And of course, you'll want to wear eye and safety protection -- "

"Do you know what I am building?"  I pronounced each word carefully, like a priest officiating his first mass.

"Hmm?  No, sorry.  No idea.  I just provide the wood and the tools."  She put the push-stick back onto the deck of the table saw, the wood back on the pile, and straightened.  She gazed at me.

"That's a nice shirt," she said.  "Will there be anything else?"

"No," I despaired.  "I'm ... good."

Satisfied at a Job Well Done, she walked away.

 

Comments

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

"Do you know what I am building?" I pronounced each word carefully, like a priest officiating his first mass.
---
I don't vouch for my translating abilities, but you might try something like this:

- Spread your arms wide in blessing
- Intone the following, preferably in chant:
"Operor vos teneo quis is est ut ego sum texo?" *
- In response to any response (smiling):
"Stercus pro cerebro habes." **
- The closer (smile and nod):
"Tempus nequiquam tero. Amen." ***
- Optional: big finish -- lead a sign of the cross to finish.

- Jeho

* "Do you know what it is that I am to build?"
** "You have shit for brains."
*** "I am wasting my time. Amen."

[rhiannontherose.livejournal.com]

Poor Wm's follow-up post here made the laughter burst out. Your response made me inhale it unexpectedly and start choking on it. Heeeeeeee

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Awesome, wasn't it? That's the guy who taught me how to play guitar.

[rhiannontherose.livejournal.com]

You shoulda had him teach you Latin. ;-)

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

I never cease to be amazed at the success that Wm has had parlaying what little insight that I might be able to impart in regards to music into useful, entertaining things.

I'm afraid that my trying to teach him Latin would cause his head to implode as his other thoughts rushed to the center of his brain to fill the vacuum left by dying brain cells, ruthlessly murdered by my feeble attempts.

There would be much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. I would surely be a pariah for such a reckless deed.

- Jeho

[Edit: corrected spelling of "brain"]

[rhiannontherose.livejournal.com]

Well, rending of garments can be entertaining, if the kids are already in bed... Maybe he's not the best person for you to teach Latin to, though. ;-)

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Vestri opus est no of awesome.

(hoping the translation makes sense...)

[jehosefatz.livejournal.com]

Uh... just a guess... literal would be something like:

"Your deed is to swim of awesome"?

Lots of colloquial possibilities, some of them work-safe, even. :)

- Jeho

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Ooops.

"That's full of awesome" or, more formally, "Your work is full of awesome."

Damn internet translators...