I am the parent of a child with autism.

[mapsedge]

With all the stressors of the weekend and Monday finally having crested and the kids gone last night, I slept like a baby. By which I mean in the idyllic sense of closed eyes, soft focus, warm blankie sleeping, not the sense of pawing at Michelle's breasts every two hours demanding sustenance. Which isn't to say that doesn't happen from time to time, just not last night.

Tigger has figured out that his companion of the last fifteen years isn't around, and he's become very needy and clingy. It's very sweet and sad, but he sheds horribly and I spent my waking moments vainly attempting to rid my face of cat hairs. Even the dogs are acting odd.

I walked out in the yard as I was leaving for work this morning to find Nafoill's grave littered with dandelions, Katie's handiwork.

There is a whole series of posts about my daughter - hell, I've considered starting a new blog on the subject. Katie's autistic mind knows that she should be sad, so she expresses "sadness" by imitating what she has seen us do, in this case, placing flowers on the grave. She has the beginning point - "Nafoill died" - and the ending point - "I'm sad" - but none of the points in between.

Neither are there any real emotional connections made. She did not feel possessive of Nafoill, and so does not feel his loss in any substantive way. She perceives his going as a fact, and now, the fact stored away, she moves on to other things.  Her one comment about his burial was, "He'll make good dirt." It's amusing, even funny, and even at that moment of great grief Michelle and I laughed out loud. It is indicative of how her mind works, and how disconnected her mind is from her emotions.

I have never posted to this journal specifically on the subject of autism and my daughter, though I've had a post in my head for some time. It will keep, though.

Comments

Well Expressed

[wyckedgood.livejournal.com]

A dear friend of mine has a child with autism and that was a perfect example of the disconnect that affected children have. I love how this brought you joy in that moment.

[archway.livejournal.com]

~soft thoughts, respect, care~

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

Ohh...*stops*

Ohh...I so want to laugh at that...but...*bites lip*

Katie is beyond adorable. :)

[rhiannontherose.livejournal.com]

::HUG::

And one -- though still awaiting diagnosis -- is mine.

...it is still so often hard to say which connections he can make, which concepts he can grasp, and which he can't, because his expressive language is still so limited....and so much of it is imitated. As he grows, we'll discover. But I know Jamie often enough makes different kinds of...disconnected leaps, as it were. He jumps knees-first onto mommy's legs. Mommy expresses pain. He acknowledges that I'm hurt, and offers a kiss to make it better. Mommy thanks him, but says he still can't jump like that onto her any more, because it hurt her. He starts to do it again, and I can tell he's going to, and stop him. No, Jamie, no jumping like that on mommy, it's not safe, it hurt mommy, and you could get hurt too. He repeats, "It's not safe." Then his brain prepares to jump again. He can't hold on to the connections between the ideas. His impulse is to jump on me like that. He's being told not to jump, but can't take the instruction IN, at the time. It's not safe? Ok...that's nice...but why does it matter? He's feeling just fine when he does it...better than when he doesn't. Mommy got hurt, but had a kiss to make it better. Not hurt anymore...and why would it happen again? Totally different issue than the jumping. Etc. etc. You can fill in the blanks.

Needless to say, any journaling you do about Katie will be of several kinds of interest, to us. Once again...::HUG::

[glesyn.livejournal.com]

She's awesome.

As someone watching from the outside and interacting with her more and more, it is very important for me to understand how she thinks / expresses herself, so that I, myself, am able to go "oh...ok I get where she's going with this". With the way you and M document her progress as a growing kid, it's helping me understand her FAR more easily than it would be with simply the personal encounters without the parental translation or explanation behind it.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

Her world is very concrete, with very few shades of gray. "The cat is dead." "Oh, okay."

Strangely, it makes her very hard to punish. We aren't spankers, as a rule. Taking away privileges
or belongings used to be effective, but as the autism has grown more pronounced, that's lost its threat. "Katie, if you don't put that away, I'll take it." "Okay, here." There are few possessions she wouldn't turn her back on.

[mljm.livejournal.com]

And even those, like Baby Doll, Blankie or her Nintendo, after a period of time she doesn't care about either. Nothing penetrates to help make her mind or see consequences.

[billthetailor.livejournal.com]

hehehehe...yes...she can be.

Her very concrete mind is capable of doling out some real doozies - her sense of comedic timing is superb - as parents, we just hope and pray that she doesn't toss something off at the wrong social moment.