Movie reviews

Just to get this out of the way, any review I toss out here is probably going to be on a movie that's been out for a while.  I have two children under the age of five.  That means I see it on DVD, sometimes lonnnng after the movie's released.

Van Helsing.  Not a bad, rollicking little romp if you go into it without any expectations of, say, writing; although the quality was better than anything you'd ever get from the entire first season DVD set of Zena, Warrior Princess.  I happened to be working at the time I had it on, so my hands and mind were otherwise occupied: that helped.  Nice historical costuming of the kind that creeps in whenever history doesn't provide the needed D-Rings, rivets, and leather bodices, although I think you could put Kate Beckinsale into a painted burlap bag and still get my  attention.  And why the hell do casting directors still bother to contact Kevin J. O'Connor's agent?  What, were they hoping he won't sound like a sniveling little twerp this time?  In what was merely a reprise of his role as Beni, albeit with more makeup and fewer good lines, he annoyed the shit out of me for what little time he spent onscreen.  Still, liked the movie.  Would rent it again.

Bulworth.  A great idea suffering from one critical flaw: Warren Beatty, who wrote, directed, and presumably hoped he was making good cinema.  Seen the previews?  Seen the movie.  Twenty minutes and M and I both were wondering what was on Discovery Channel.  Warren Beatty's what, ninety years old now?  And in an elevator snogging Halle Berry?  Jesus, that's an image I'll take with me to the grave.  It's an excruciatingly slow movie, much in need of editing, and while the satire and message are well worth the telling, it's 108 minutes that could easily pare down to 54 and carry a greater punch.

Movie reviews

Just to get this out of the way, any review I toss out here is probably going to be on a movie that's been out for a while.  I have two children under the age of five.  That means I see it on DVD, sometimes lonnnng after the movie's released.

Van Helsing.  Not a bad, rollicking little romp if you go into it without any expectations of, say, writing; although the quality was better than anything you'd ever get from the entire first season DVD set of Zena, Warrior Princess.  I happened to be working at the time I had it on, so my hands and mind were otherwise occupied: that helped.  Nice historical costuming of the kind that creeps in whenever history doesn't provide the needed D-Rings, rivets, and leather bodices, although I think you could put Kate Beckinsale into a painted burlap bag and still get my  attention.  And why the hell do casting directors still bother to contact Kevin J. O'Connor's agent?  What, were they hoping he won't sound like a sniveling little twerp this time?  In what was merely a reprise of his role as Beni, albeit with more makeup and fewer good lines, he annoyed the shit out of me for what little time he spent onscreen.  Still, liked the movie.  Would rent it again.

Bulworth.  A great idea suffering from one critical flaw: Warren Beatty, who wrote, directed, and presumably hoped he was making good cinema.  Seen the previews?  Seen the movie.  Twenty minutes and M and I both were wondering what was on Discovery Channel.  Warren Beatty's what, ninety years old now?  And in an elevator snogging Halle Berry?  Jesus, that's an image I'll take with me to the grave.  It's an excruciatingly slow movie, much in need of editing, and while the satire and message are well worth the telling, it's 108 minutes that could easily pare down to 54 and carry a greater punch.