Job woes: waiting for 5:00
Jun. 20th, 2006 09:38![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mapsedgeI'm grateful that I have a job, doing something I am competent to do, and sometimes even enjoy doing. My job - or, more accurately, one facet of it - causes me some mental and emotional pain. There is a pervasive attitude, mostly on the part of the CFO, that if the doors are open, we should all be there, regardless of the amount of work that needs doing. Leaving early is discouraged (though that doesn't apply to him...long story).
Now, I don't take a lot of personal time. Sick time, yes, but not, "Hey, I need to mow the lawn before it rains, so I'm going to kick-off." My Responsobili-Meter just won't let me do that.mljm says I have a work ethic that would kill lesser men. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do work a lot.
I left for White Hart rehearsal last Friday at 3:00 in the afternoon. I stopped in at CFO's office on the way...well, can't really avoid that since when we moved in he chose the office next to the door, for just this reason...and announced I was leaving.
You can always tell when he's displeased about something: he goes silent. Usually, he's quick with a reply, some witticism or at least a goodbye, but when he's upset, that shuts off. He pauses to think about how bad the world is making him feel.
He paused a long time. Finally, he said, "Okay." That was it. No eye contact, no wishes for a good weekend, no encouragement to "be careful."
There is no billable work right now. The projects I'm working on are internal projects, and no one is waiting on me. There aren't any hard deadlines. No one is on the table bleeding out while I'm out back on a smoke break. (I don't smoke, but you get the idea.)
Most folks, walking early out of their places of employment to a weekend off the usual well-travelled path, would feel their spirits soar with the glorious, delicious freedom of it.
I was waiting for my phone to ring. At 5:00, the probability of a call from the office with some issue or other would drop to almost nil, and I found myself watching the clock as I travelled Southward, willing the minutes by faster toward 5:00. Not until 5:00 came and went did the feeling of freedom for the weekend truly begin to creep in, and it had to fight past the resentment that CFO can't just lighten up about shit. It did finally arrive, though.
At one time I felt genuinely trapped by this job. Michelle and I have talked about it at great length, and we have both come to the realization that there other options, some I hadn't expected.
More later...
Now, I don't take a lot of personal time. Sick time, yes, but not, "Hey, I need to mow the lawn before it rains, so I'm going to kick-off." My Responsobili-Meter just won't let me do that.
mljm says I have a work ethic that would kill lesser men. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do work a lot.I left for White Hart rehearsal last Friday at 3:00 in the afternoon. I stopped in at CFO's office on the way...well, can't really avoid that since when we moved in he chose the office next to the door, for just this reason...and announced I was leaving.
You can always tell when he's displeased about something: he goes silent. Usually, he's quick with a reply, some witticism or at least a goodbye, but when he's upset, that shuts off. He pauses to think about how bad the world is making him feel.
He paused a long time. Finally, he said, "Okay." That was it. No eye contact, no wishes for a good weekend, no encouragement to "be careful."
There is no billable work right now. The projects I'm working on are internal projects, and no one is waiting on me. There aren't any hard deadlines. No one is on the table bleeding out while I'm out back on a smoke break. (I don't smoke, but you get the idea.)
Most folks, walking early out of their places of employment to a weekend off the usual well-travelled path, would feel their spirits soar with the glorious, delicious freedom of it.
I was waiting for my phone to ring. At 5:00, the probability of a call from the office with some issue or other would drop to almost nil, and I found myself watching the clock as I travelled Southward, willing the minutes by faster toward 5:00. Not until 5:00 came and went did the feeling of freedom for the weekend truly begin to creep in, and it had to fight past the resentment that CFO can't just lighten up about shit. It did finally arrive, though.
At one time I felt genuinely trapped by this job. Michelle and I have talked about it at great length, and we have both come to the realization that there other options, some I hadn't expected.
More later...
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Date: 2006-06-20 18:51 (UTC)I'm a Leo and Leos are cats...